Facing My Fear- Running (in public)

Just over a year ago, two of my friends- Stacey and Bethany- and I got together for our almost monthly get together to catch up on each others lives. Stacey had just ran in a marathon in Iowa to qualify for the Boston Marathon. She mentioned that it was on her bucket list. So we decided to each make up a bucket list and meet the next month and share our lists. It was exciting making my list. Being an organized person, my list was broken down into places I wanted to visit and things I wanted to do. I put on there things like going to Russia, Germany, Scotland, Prague, all 50 states and the list goes on for places. As for experiences I put down things like going to a Broadway show in NYC, attending an Olympic game (that was on all three of our lists) and seeing the musical Wicked (I did that last weekend).

The conversation progressed to about getting out of our comfort zones and experiencing things maybe not on our list but on each others. So I ended up with doing a half marathon on my list (read not on your life would I do that). I am not a runner, I am not built like a runner and my philosophy on running has always been "why run when you can drive." But I took on the challenge.

It has been a challenge. I found out I have asthma when I run so I worked on that. I still can't run a mile and it's been over a year. I used to have almost a panic attack when I would think about running. It wasn't about actually running but more of what are people going to think. I would picture myself running like Pheobe did in Friends- arms flaling about. I eventually got over that fear and then self doubt would creep into my head... "I can't finish 13.1 miles in 4 hours; I can't do this; I am not a runner" and so on.

The deal is I did a half marathon in January and I finished in 3 hours and 29 minutes and 10 seconds. That's about 29 minutes and 10 seconds longer than I had set a my goal at but the thing is that I finished. I set out to accomplish something but I didn't cross it off my list just yet. Instead I signed up for another one in November. I want to be able to come in under 3 hours and eventually be able to run the entire thing. That means more half marathons and more running. Something I never ever imagined I would do.

I say all this because for the last 7-8 weeks since the race, I have had an asthma issue followed by a head cold/sinus infection. So today I am planning on going out and running again but I find myself totally slipping back into the panic mode. I still think I run like Pheobe but now I doubt that I can do the 3.2 mile loop around my neighborhood in 45 minutes that I did right before the race.

I know it's self doubt and maybe a little bit of Satan picking at me but I am going to face my fear tonight and as a way to hold myself accountable I will post here tomorrow (and on Facebook) what my time was.