I don't like change- I like routine. I'm ok with change as long as it isn't about me. I can handle a hotel calling a few days prior and saying they overbooked the facilities and that we now have half the meeting space. I can handle that- that's easy. Handling change that involves me and my routine or my groove in life- no thank you. I am strong- physically and mentally but this year has tested me in both areas and some days I just don't think I'm going to make it through the challenge. Some days I just want to sit down or stay in bed but I can't, it's just not in my nature. There are things to do.
I'm thankful for my friends who have encouraged me and helped me face my fears. For someone who appears to have their stuff together, I don't really have it together and I have a lot of insecurities and self doubt.
One of the hardest things to accept was that I'm not as strong as I used to be. I haven't yet been able to do a snatch at the gym since before surgery but I have been able to do burpees and increase my inches in box jumps.
I was good with giving up food until I smelled garlic bread. It has been a comfort food for me and I thought I had it beat until August when Dad had to have emergency open heart surgery. Both him and I have had a stressful and tough year. He now lives with me until we can get him a place in town. This is stressful for him and for me as well. It's been a challenge for both us. He is adjusting to not being able to drive all the places he normally does and see his friends and I've struggled with the added work and adjustment to having someone else around. There's planning now- figuring out when I'm going to the gym and trying to get a run or hike in but still be home to make his dinner and see him before he goes to bed. Sometimes more than I would like, my workout and training runs or hikes get dropped because there is a doctor appointment or dinner needing to be made or a bathroom cleaned. It's a stage of life and some days are easier for both us than others. I've struggled with losing my hair in clumps and with loose skin and the fact now that because of skinny feet, I now have bunion pain and some days it's very painful to wear shoes.
There have been some incredible moments too. When I was able to buy a medium shirt or fit into a size 14. I still find myself going to the larger sizes and it may be awhile before I am naturally going to the right size. I was shocked when I ran faster. I know that's because of boot camp and dropping weight. I now have new running goals and want to push myself in that area. It's been nice to see the fruition of things my friends have said for years when they believed in me more than I did. One of my running mentors and the one that pushed me into running by challenging me has said that my fastest times are still to come. I took it as a small hope but after this past weekend, I can really see it and know that it is true. Flying and actually having space in the seat as well as extra belt left over were highlights as well on this journey.
I've done things this last year that I never thought I would. I hiked around and did snow angels on a glacier in Alaska in November. I ran 3 miles without stopping. I dropped to under 200 lbs which was the first time in my entire adult life. (I weighed 150 in 7th grade and 210 my senior year of high school). I did the Bisbee 1000 stair climb and actually enjoyed it. I ran a half marathon in a very hilly location and PR'ed by over 5 minutes. Ride a bike around Coronado Island for an hour and not dying. Being able to see my feet when I look down. to stretch my hamstrings by grabbing my foot. Touching my toes when I bend over. Being able to sit with my feet pulled up and my head resting on my knees. These are all things that I never would have dreamed I could do at all or again.
I have realized this year that losing weights doesn't solve all your problems. It solves some of your health problems but if you have food issues or relationship issues, those aren't solved overnight. There is no magic pill. You still have to work at those and sometimes you have to find a new coping mechanism.
I'm not where I wanted to be weight wise now that I'm a year out. I wanted to be down another 10 lbs but I'm learning to be ok with missing this goal because I've hit so many other goals that I think are more important. I can do almost all of the slider exercises at the gym and a burpee and I can run longer and faster. The weight will come eventually and I'm still dropping in sizes so there is still progress.
|Heaviest weight and six months after surgery.|
|Bike Riding on Coronado Island|
|Receiving my medal for my fastest half|
|It's been a great year!|