The last couple of months my life has had a few changes...nothing big or grand, just changes that may become big or grand eventually.
I moved and this week will finally sign the papers to sell my house. I'm ok with selling my house but I feel a little like I failed at home ownership. The fact is I couldn't afford to live there anymore and I have a life right now that isn't conducive to owning a home.
We are changing the way we do things with our youth group on Sunday mornings and so there are definitely growing pains as we are encouraging our youth to be more open and real with us.
I am working four ten hour shifts now so I have Fridays off to get things done like laundry, clean house, go to the doctor, grocery shop or work out. It's funny how many doctors do not work on Fridays and how that messes up my schedule. It also makes it hard to work out those 4 days because unlike other places in the country it is still in the 90s at 5 pm when I am getting off work. So my only other option for running without the possibility of a heat stroke is to get up at 4 am and run before work, with a headlamp so I don't trip on the sidewalk (which might be OK in the dark because no one can see you and if no one sees you trip, did you really trip?)
I started Weight Watchers again for the third or maybe fourth time but this time I am working hard to make it a real commitment I need to because one of the changes is that I had a health incident. I call it an incident because it really didn't freak me out the way it probably should have. I have a history of heart disease in my family- my grandmother, one of her sisters and brothers had the exact same surgery as my dad. My dad ended up having the same surgery twice. So when I mentioned to my doctor in passing at a follow up blood test that I needed to renew my thyroid medicine that it seemed like half my dad's family was on this medicine and further conversation about heart disease in the family. He said I was ok because I had been running for a year and that would be fine because I am up to a mile or two at least. Well I guess I shocked him when I said I could still only run about a tenth of a mile before I couldn't breath and then I would walk till I could breath and repeat the patter to whatever mileage I was "running." This revelation lead to me seeing a cardiologist and now an appointment for a pulmonary specialist.
I realized a couple things with these tests... 1. I don't like the goo they use for ultrasound machines used for echo cardiograms. It's slimmy and gets all over everything. 2. I have to give up fries and a lot of my fast food because it is not that healthy 3. As long as I run and lose at least 60 pounds I should be fine for now with my heart issues but the breathing thing is still up in the air. 3. I am going to do a half marathon in just under two weeks and I didn't tell my pulmonary specialist and scheduled that appointment for the day after so she can't tell me no. 4. Big shock to me, I missed running until the cardiologist told me could. 5. The thought of major surgery didn't scare me but being in an operating room naked with a room full of strange doctors did (just being honest).
And it's fall and with fall (every place but in Phoenix) happening I am homesick. I miss the trees turning and the cold nights at the football games where sometimes it's so cold your nose hairs freeze (you know what I mean if you are from a colder climate) and I miss wearing flannel.
So with all these changes here is what I learned... God is bigger than I am and He is in control and I am learning to give him the control and not try and take it back. I am also learning that I need to focus on each day or week and not on the big picture. The big picture will overwhelm me but the day to day journey I can work through and focus on.