Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I am good enough!

I have been really busy since I got back from youth camp, to the point that I chose not to go to my 20 year class reunion. I wanted to go but then when I decided not to go, part of me was sad and part of me was relieved. I've been contemplating those two thoughts for a few weeks.

I was a wallflower, book worm, quiet (I know shocking!) person in high school. I was very insecure with who I was and part of me wanted to go to let them see that I am not completely that person. But part of me was nervous because in my eyes/mind I hadn't really "made it" or accomplished anything important in the last 20 years. Before you yell "liar, liar, pants on fire!," I know that I have accomplished things- I went to college, I have three degrees, I traveled to Europe, I have a job, I walked 60 miles for breast cancer, I completed a half marathon,... I've done stuff. I am proud of the stuff I have done.

After the reunion was over I looked through the pictures on Facebook and I realized that by 20 years, there really isn't cliques anymore and that everyone is happy to see everyone. By 20 years it doesn't matter if you are a farmer, rancher, teacher or what ever. What matters is that you are happy with your life. You may fear that people may judge you and not think your good enough but does that really matter what they think? When we are in school, it matters, its our life and our community; when you grow up your life and community (the people you surround yourself with) changes and so do your priorities or what you want to do in life.

So while I feel that I haven't accomplished in my life by being a mother or wife, I am proud of what I have done and I am respected (I hope) in my community. I think I am wiser than I was 20 years ago because (no offense intended) I wanted my classmates approval that I was worthy to be part of the group. Now I just want to visit and some may inspire me to run races like Anne, Valorie or even try a triatholan like Elena. It's about talking with people who share a common experience and sometimes as you grow older you have life experiences that create friendships that weren't really there 20 years ago.

So as I finish rambling. I am looking forward to seeing classmates in 5 years because I don't think I am intimidated of them and what they have accomplished. We all have our lives and the paths that we have chosen and class reunions are like intersections with our paths that we all meet for a moment to reconnect and catch up then continue on our journey.