GMO

I’m going to get on my soap box here and talk about genetically modified organisms otherwise known as GMOs. I here and see this conversation play out almost daily on Facebook, twitter and in the media.  I have heard the arguments that we don't know the science or that tests have shown that mice get cancerous tumors or that it is creating Frankenstein foods. I also have heard the argument that Europe is against it so we should be too. 

So here it goes....  We have had GMO crops for decades and have been consuming them as well. the crops have gone through extensive testing.  Monsanto isn't the only or the first company to use or create GMO products. There are several companies but you only hear about how horrible Monsanto is. The argument of mice having cancer or stomachs exploding is a big scare tactic because mice don't have the exact enzymes that we have. if these crops were as bad as some say we would have exploding stomachs and extra limbs growing on the side of their bodies. i use the example of a person eats a carrot and lots of carrots but we don't see people in the process of evolving into a carrot. they are consuming genes and your body is breaking down genes and chromosomes of plant but they are not becoming part of our genes and chromosomes. In addition people have been throwing around the legislation that was passed and how it protects Monsanto.  First, EU and other European Countries do allow GMO foods- corn and soybeans to be used as animal feed that is fed to animals who are then introduced into the human food supply. Secondly, the piece of legislation was to protect the farmer not Monsanto. It doesn't have anything to do with “getting sick and taking someone to court”. What it really is about is it allows the farmer to keep growing his crop while the litigation is being decided. For example, if a person or group sued Monsanto or any other seed company after a crop had been planted that farmer is allowed to keep growing it and even harvest it while the court case is being decided. The farmer isn't being paid by Monsanto so if there weren't allowed to continue to grow their crop they would be out an entire harvest which in an industry that works on a very narrow margin of profit (and sometimes there isn't a profit) this would be devastating not only to a family farm (98% of all corporate farms are family owned) but to communities and industries as a whole.

If you want to choose to not eat GMO’s, that's alright but to force a industry to eliminated GMO’s is in my mind a selfish act. GMO’s has done a lot of great work in this world. Read “The Man Who Fed The World”. It’s about Norman Borlaug. He won a Nobel Peace Prize for creating GMO wheat that would grown in arid/desert climates and was drought resistant. This wheat was then grown and harvested in Africa where people where starving. Also, GMO’s have allowed farmers to used less chemicals on their plants to protect them from harmful insects. I get that GMO’s are scary but the fact is that we need GMO’s and other cutting edge technology to keep feeding and clothing this country and the world. The average American farmer now must feed 155 people. In 1960, the American farmer fed just 26 people. By 2050, the world’s population will double and we (the farmers) will need to produce more food than all the years prior combined.

I am not an employee of big corporate farmers or ranchers. I don’t get money from big seed companies. My family ranches- I eat meat, my family’s ranch doesn't feed cattle corn or soybeans; they are grass fed and we do spray for weeds since we got rid of the sheep (they eat weeds cows won’t). We don’t overgraze and we choose not to eat organic but we will eat foods that are all natural and even some of the beef we raise is marketed as all natural. You may totally disagree with me and that’s ok. That’s your choice and why we live in a country with abundant food supplies (thanks to farmers and ranchers) that allows us to have many choices but I in good conscience couldn't let this information go without giving a different opinion. If you are going to be on the anti-GMO or anti-Monsanto bandwagons then at least research both sides.

Below are some neutral (from actual scientists or farmers and ranchers) websites to find out more information about production agriculture and your food supply. The packet attached is a list of facts in regards to the Genetic Roulette movie that attacks GMO’s today. I would encourage you to read it. Also we have actual facts for Food Inc (which is full of miss information as well).

http://www.fooddialogues.com/

www.bestfoodfacts.org

• Resources from various sources on GM/BT safety and potential benefits (NOTE: Not an inclusive list.)

·         European Commission report: A decade of EU-funded GMO research(2001-2010) (2010)

·         European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) report. Safety and nutritional assessment of GMplants and derived food and feed: The role of animal feeding trials (2008)

·         Foodand Agriculture Organization (FAO)/United Nations (UN) Report: The State ofFood and Agriculture 2003-2004: Agricultural Biotechnology Meeting the Needs ofthe Poor? (2004)

·         Institute of Food Technologists (IFT) Expert Report: Biotechnology and Foods (2000)

·         International Service for the Acquisition of Agri-Biotech Applications (ISAAA) Report: Global Status of Commercialized Biotech/GM Crops (2012)

·         National Research Council/U.S. National Academy of Sciences (NAS) report on the Safety of Genetically Engineered Foods: Approaches to Assessing Unintended Health Effects (2004)

·         National Research Council/U.S. National Academy of Sciences (NAS) report on the Impact of Genetically Engineered Crops on Farm Sustainability in the United States (2010)  

·         World Health Organization (WHO). Modern food biotechnology, human health and development: an evidence-based study (2005)

•  Review (Pro-Con) of the issue (what are the activists saying and what are the counter positions)

·         Consider these recent myth busting reports by NPR and The Atlantic and Reason Magazine.

·         Mark Lynas – one of the leading anti-GM activists –spoke at a conference in Europe earlier this year and announced a dramatic change of opinion on GMOs. You can view his speech or read a transcript online at: http://www.marklynas.org/2013/01/lecture-to-oxford-farming-conference-3-january-2013/. This speech has generated a broader discussion around the science.

• GM-BT Position Statements from government (USDA, FDA, EFSA), NGOs, Trade Groups and Other Influencers/Stakeholders (Gates Foundation) (NOTE: Not an inclusive list.)

·         American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) Statement by the AAAS Board of Directors on Labeling of Genetically Modified Foods (2012)

·         American Medical Association (AMA) Report on Labeling of Bioengineered Foods (2012)

·         Society of Toxicology (SOT) Position Paper: The Safety of Genetically Modified Foods Produced through Biotechnology (2002)

·         Institute of Food Technologists (IFT) Expert Report: Biotechnology and Foods (2000)

·         Mark Tercek, CEO of the Nature Conservancy, recently wrote a very thoughtful Huffington Post piece on critical thinking about GMOs at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-tercek/mark-lynas-gmo_b_2424493.html.

·         Sam Dryden, Director of the Agricultural Development team at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, also posted a very thoughtful piece on critical thinking about GMOs at: http://www.impatientoptimists.org/Posts/2013/03/A-Farmers-Toolbox.  

·         Anne Glover, the European Union's Chief Science Advisor, discussed the science last year. You can find her comments online at: http://www.euractiv.com/innovation-enterprise/commission-science-supremo-endor-news-514072.

I Miss You

Disclaimer: I don't always write about running but I wrote this last night in my head and needed to get it out before I forgot the rest of what I haven't already forgotten.

I have been sick three times in the last 7 weeks (twice since the Diva race) or so to the point that I haven't worked out- running. My asthma has been horrible to the point that I sound like a pack a day smoker and my cough is just irritating. I've walked and that's fine but I just don't feel the want-to to go out on my normal wogging path (half walk half jogging). The path is a loop through the neighborhood and if I add in a few side streets and even cul-de-sacs I can squeeze 4.5-5 miles out of a 3.8 mile loop. I never thought I would ever utter the words- I miss running. It's not about the running- I'm really, really bad at it but it's more about the dripping-with-so-much-sweat that you actually stink to the point you can't even stand being next to yourself and challenging yourself to beat your time or in my case run farther segments. When my friends Dana and Christi ran one time in my neighborhood with me they each had a small glimpse into how I think when I run. Which in case I haven't mentioned, Dana was a great running buddy because she walked faster than me but we ran about the same speed. She rolled her ankle almost back to the house and being the worst friend in the world, was trying to stop my running app while I was asking her if she was OK because I didn't want to mess up my per minute mile average. Thankfully she forgave me.

I run to things- for example, Here's how my brain works during a run on a Friday.I leave my house after starting my Charity Miles app (earning meals for Feeding America because someone besides me should also get something out of my workout and if I can't have choose not to eat a cheeseburger someone should) I start my Run Keeper app to track my mileage and time. I walk to the corner house and then tell myself run to the other end of the street. If the landscapers are at one of the houses in the middle, I think ok hold your breathe when you go by so you don't breathe in the fumes from the exhaust and start wheezing. (I know I shouldn't hold my breath but I don't like exhaust fumes they are bad for my asthma). If the house cleaner is at the house at the end of the street I have to run past her van and circle the sidewalk to the next house marker.   I walk till I can breathe and then run to another house marker then walk a little more but then I make myself run to the gate and walk out the gate and turn to go up the side of the community towards the end of Recker. At this point if I'm doing only 3 miles, I stick to Recker and just the main loop, if I'm adding mileage I go down one side street walking when I need to breathe and then running to things- cars, a shadow, the stop sign on the opposite side of the road, the house that use to have the for sale sign, ect until I get  to the hill that runs across the back of Red Mountain Ranch Area. It's not a large steep hill but it's deceiving because you think you are at the top and then you realize it gradually keeps going so. I learned a few weeks ago that by running on the opposite side of the street the scenery is different and that I could go farther up the hill than before, that it was a mindset that I couldn't go farther than the second cactus past the light post that was just past the garbage can.

Don't judge the writing, I'll never have a job at ESPN!

And here's what my brain and I talk about on the way up. (All of about 45-60 seconds). OK make it to the second cacti past the light pole that is past the garbage can. "OK Run. Keep running, maybe I should switch to the side walk then I'm closer to the garbage can, I need to focus on praying for my prayer list, OK you are almost to the garbage can, I want to stop, I can't do this, just make it to the light pole. OK you'll make to the light post you can stop there, No suck it up and go the rock past the cacti because you don't think you can do it." And I stop at the rock or the cactus after the rock. This whole thought process goes on after I've walked about 30 seconds and am ready to hit the rest of the hill "Ok, start at the bench this side of the metal box and go to the second-rock-past-the-light-post-that-is-around-the-corner-just-before-the-God-Bless-America-sign-that-is-hanging-on-the-fence.  I'm always running towards something and I can't run past my house if I am short mileage because that just messes with my head. In between my self talk,sometimes I channel my cousin's husband who is USMC and imagine him yelling at me to "suck it up buttercup" (I don't know if he has ever said those words in real life and if he wasn't family might be scary). Running lets me work out problems or allow myself to be creative and let my mind wander but more often than not I have used that time to pray for people in my life that are hurting or celebrating. I pray for my friends for their first year of marriage and pray for them during their pregnancy and the first year of the kid's life. But I also pray about my county Farm Bureaus. There's a lot of pressure on our leaders of our counties and there's only so much I can help them with. I can do the Farm Bureau stuff easy but sometimes their stresses come in the form of water shortage and drought, equipment failures, crop failures, livestock diseases, or just the very high cost of growing our food and fiber that we take for granted or sometimes it's family stuff- health issues, adoption. I also pray for my family for the same things- health, business, that we just all get along and finally I pray for my youth group. It's nice having a small group because we get to know them but also I can picture each of them for different running segments and pray for them. They have a lot of challenges that I don't think I was aware of when I was their age- peer pressure (not any where close to what we had back in the day), college, future, parents, siblings.

I miss the feel of the pavement under my feet and I miss the running to the second rock past the bush that is just past the second light post. I miss the high you get from seeing improvement. I know I will be back, I just don't know when but when I do we have a lot of catching up to do. And I want to see if my perspective has changed.

Footnote: if you are a runner and you haven't heard about Charity Miles you might want to check them out they have over 20 charities to choose from and if you walk, run or bike they earn things. And it's free to use. They get their money from sponsorships.  You just have to post to your Facebook or Twitter account how many miles you have gone (they have it pre-typed out for you) when you finish.

Race Insight

As most of you know I have been trying to become a runner. I actually had a half marathon the last Sunday of April and it was fun but it wasn't my best.At the expo I met Ali Vincent from Biggest Loser. It was so nice to actually see in real life a person you watched struggle on TV and then celebrate when she achieved her goal. She's much shorter and smaller in real life and I was impressed that she could wear high heals the day before the race. She finished about not long before I did.

Shiloh and I met Ali Vincent!

My race wasn't my fastest but I did learn something from it. I forgot my food for along the race and only ate a banana at the beginning so it overall didn't  go as as well as it could but I also chose to walk more than I normally would so I could stay for awhile with my cousin and friend who due to injury was not running the race. She and I did run parts of the last half of the race and we finished in 3 hours and 26 minutes. But I had some insight into the running community. The original plan was for E, C, S (E's friend) to all do this race (at our own paces) and have a girls weekend. E and S are part of a running group called "Mom's Run this Town". This group is all over the country but their chapter is out of Savannah and so two more ladies joined E & S and then we all stayed at a hotel with three other ladies and had dinner with an additional two. All I can say is it was amazing to see the common bond that brought all of us together. There were some really fast runners and then there were the turtles working their way through peanut butter (me) but there was acceptance.

I don't like to run with groups because I am so slow and I need to walk and I just feel as though I'm holding people back but I had started running a few months prior with my friend Dana and it worked out well. She is a fast walker and would push me during the walking breaks and we tend to run at the same pace and we could chat about life. I saw that the Diva's Race weekend  with these ladies. And it was reassuring to me. Like any race you meet people along the way and you either usually find out where they are from and why they are running/walking and how many half's they have done. I usually find encouragement from these fellow travelers along the route. This race was no exception because E and I met a woman who was walking (and struggling) in the first 2-3 miles who along with 40 other women were participating in honor of their friend who had died from cancer and who had loved to do halfs  The husband of the woman they were honoring was the race coach for all these women and would stay with our girl for a mile then run back to encourage other runners and walkers. He didn't have a bike to go back and forth- just his feet. It was cool that that many women would come and take on that goal to honor their friend.

When we left her we came up on two of the MRTT ladies from E's group. They were just grooving along and having fun. I had met them the night before at dinner and they made me feel so welcome. My other cousin C fit in with the group because she's a mom to 7 kids but I don't have kids and not even a pet so I was the odd ball but they accepted me just the same. I even met a girl who grew up in Oregon and went to school at OSU!

At the start before the race. 

When I say I am a slow runner I really do mean it. I left E with the two MRTT ladies and started off and a few miles down the road E caught up to me and we were able to finish together. I was really inspired by her because for now she's not going to be able to run and may never run a half again because of an injury but she came and did this race and didn't complain. And she could complain and be on the pity party tour (If I was her, I might). She's injured and may never run again, her husband is deployed and it will be months before she sees him). But she has found joy even in her injury.   All of these ladies came to run the race but they have accomplished so much running (marathons and halfs) that I was impressed but just like my friend Stacey they don't brag about it's just who they are. And they are some really, really great runners who kick butt. They all have a quiet spirit about them when it comes to their accomplishments in running shoes or in life.

 I wasn't sure how I was going to write this blog but the lesson that I kept thinking about over the miles I drove this last week was that yes we train and work hard for the races and sometimes we are in it for the tech shirt or the medal but in the end it's about the people you meet along the way and fact that you are really running against yourself. It's you against the voice in your head that tells you can't do this or that someone like you shouldn't be out there. It's also you that is going to determine if you listen to that voice or if you tell it to shut the hell up and keep moving forward toward a goal. As E said today on Facebook  we have enough obstacles running or working toward our goals that we create ourselves that it's nice to have the people around you be supportive and allow you to go out and reach your goal and if you fail you have a place to land that is supportive. I realized that's what the running group is for. Yes it allows you to train with other runners and maybe push yourself but it also gives you a group of women who are encouraging you and sharing in your goals. That unlike society they don't want to tear you down, they want to lift you up and for two days I got to be apart of that.

Finished and we earned our medals!!!

Feel Like a Fraud

I have a confession to make, I feel like a big fat fraud. That seems harsh and I've been working lately on accepting complements but for the past few years I don't like to get complements about me (characteristics, some talents, personality, etc.) except if they have to do with with a big event with work that I have worked by butt off to make it successful. I feel uncomfortable when someone complements me or says that I inspire them. Afterwards I feel guilty for dismissing them. The guilt I think comes from taking the blessing from someone who gave the complement if that makes any sense at all. Its hard to accept a compliment because I see all the places or areas where I feel as though I am failing or lacking instead of looking at what good I have done or how far I have come.

I actually confessed this to my friend last week. She was borrowing my truck and so we were riding together and she said that I inspired her and I told her how much of a fake I felt. In my mind she has so many other people who are much more qualified to inspire her in life. It was an interesting conversation because I told her I wish I was more crafty and able to cook like she does. And she related to me that she didn't think her crafts were that amazing. It started me thinking that maybe in general we are too critical of our own abilities and talents. Maybe we don't see the inspiring parts of our lives because we are so busy focusing on getting the muck and crap in our lives that we don't see the flowers that our crap has created.

A few months ago I had a conversation with a high school classmate who was struggling going back to school and I shared that I had struggled through college and that especially after my mom died that I just didn't really care anymore about classes but I stuck it out and in graduate school I tried kickboxing (before it was a fad) in a real boxing gym to relieve stress. I didn't want to compete, I just wanted to hit something so I could cope with the stress of graduate school. I shared that it had helped a lot. What was so strange that in his opinion, I was one of the smart kids that had my life together. And maybe from the outside it seemed that way but privately I doubted (and even now) my knowledge level. I even would be frustrated that I would study for hours and pull a B and friends would barely study and get an A.

Over the last few years I have felt like I have had to struggle and go the extra mile to accomplish most things that others seem to accomplish fairly easy. It's even gotten to the point in the last few months that when a friend fails or struggles I find some comfort in their struggle. I know that makes me sound like a horrible friend and person and there is guilt there. I am just trying to be honest with you and more importantly with myself. Don't get me wrong, I have a great life and feel very blessed because I have not had to deal with things like cancer, divorce, death of a spouse/child or loss of a job. I live a very fortunate and blessed life.

But back to my conversation with my friend, hearing that she has self doubts and insecurities actually made me think that maybe we all doubt our abilities when we compare ourselves to others. That by taking away or discounting someones opinion that we have inspired them or we have encouraged them in their life we are taking the blessing away from them of being inspired.

Maybe instead of always putting the Sunday Best or the Window Dressing out there for everyone to see we should start being more authentic with each other and really encouraging others in their lives and with their struggles. It means being real with each other.

Bucket List

Remember the movie the Bucket List where two guys- Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are told they have a terminal illness and so they decide to create a bucket list and cross things off- exciting life experiences that they always wanted to do before they died. I think everyone should have a bucket list whether they have a terminal illness or not. There's something final about a bucket list if you are dying, although we all are dying some just see the end more clearly focused than the rest of us.

I started my bucket list a few years ago, really it was about six years before I actually wrote one out but the difference between their list and mine is I keep adding things to mine as I get braver or discover something new or have accomplished something on the list and want to push myself a little farther. My unofficial bucket list started with doing a vacation to Italy with three of my girlfriends.I caught the travel bug and because I'm such a history nerd made a mental list of all the cool places I wanted to see. I also decided that there were things like traveling, owning a house, etc. that I had always said I would do when I got married. But why wait till your married- experience life as you live instead of waiting for someone to come along to live. Does that make sense?

You can read about how my Bucket List was started and some of the results that came from it here.

If you read my blog at all you know that I stared running because of the bucket list. Two years ago I never would have imagined that I would have done a half marathon and when I decided to do sign up for one and I finished it was a-once-in-a lifetime-never-to-be-repeated event. But it wasn't because it became a form of  exercise and something that I could see improvement in (running time, distance, per minute mile, ect) and I became addicted to the medals and the cool shirts. I even earned a second medal for doing two half marathons in the same year by the same group. 


But I thought I would share my bucket list with you. I turn 40 next year and I've been thinking that I want to do something fun and cool and exciting for my 40th. I usually end up working or just having dinner with family and a couple friends for my birthday but I think I might want to try and do a full marathon. It's really scary and big and crazy and I can't even run a mile but I have over 18 months to train and maybe be able to cross it off my list. Is that too big? Too crazy?

My Bucket List

 Drive a Nascar and or do a ride-along with a Nascar driver

 Learn to speak Spanish 

Hike the Grand Canyon from Rim to Rim

Learn to Swim

Take some law classes

Do a Ragnar Race

Live on the East Coast at some point in my life

Go on a mission geared around agriculture

Zip Line

Attend an Olympic Game (most likely a Summer Game)

Read the Bible in a year 

Take a road trip from Maine to Florida

Run 5 miles without stopping

Complete a Marathon

Attend a professional Hockey and Football game

Attend a Nascar race at Talledega, Brickyard and Daytona

Attend a show on Broadway

Completing a triathlon

Visit the following places:

Tombstone, AZ

Kartner Caverns

4 Corners area

Houston, TX

Richmond, VA

A Navajo Village (cliff dwellings)

Yellowstone National Park

Mt. Rushmore

Ireland

Scotland

Prague

Amarillo, TX

Australia

Gettysburg/Philadelphia

Visit all 50 states

New York City (Time Square, Central Park, Ellis Island, Statute of Liberty)

France (Normandy, Eiffel Tower)

World War II Battle sites US fought in throughout Europe

It may never be complete but I have been able to cross things off my list such as traveling to Europe (March 2006 and April 2007), Attending a black tie event (Dec 2004), sky diving (Aug 2000), completing a half marathon (Jan and Nov of 2012). 

Your bucket list doesn't have to be written down but I think it allows us to live life and experience things that that make us grow as person whether that is through physical or emotion events or even just traveling your state, country or world and seeing what God has created and experiencing life. Because I think that life events not only are just experiences for you to look back on at the end of your life but they are also meant to be shared with others. You can share them as you explain a feeling or as an example for a life lesson. And let's be honest it makes for some great party conversations as well as ice breakers when you meet someone new. It makes you well rounded.

A Road Trip for Family- We've Come a Long Way!!!

Two weeks ago, my dad and I went on a road trip. I do road trips everyday for work- driving 3-4 hours to a meeting then 3-4 hours home but this one was different for several reasons. The first reason is it was 12 hours to our destination, second, my dad came with me and third, we were headed to my cousin's wedding.

I had a few revelations and memories come and go as we traveled to and from San Antonio. First, I think I like traveling the interstate in Texas. The speed limit is 80 mph and even though it's 75 here and I travel 80, in Texas I still traveled at 80. Second, in all those miles I only saw and passed one Toyota Prius, Texas must have a law against them and Arizona should maybe consider getting one (Sorry if I just offended you but they drive me crazy going 75 in the fast lane on the freeway between Phoenix and Tucson or Phoenix and Yuma and they never get over). Third, Texas has signs on the freeway that say the left lane is for passing only and people actually go along with it. Makes the traffic move much more smoothly. Although I do think (at least from El Paso to Ft. Stockton) Arizona might have some better scenery and it's much easier to get on the freeways and up to speed in Arizona. Overall the actual travel wasn't bad. It was a fast trip- left on a Wednesday morning and came home on a Friday night but we saw family, met new friends and family and saw the sites!

At the wedding it was mostly my cousin Ivan's (They call him Foster) friends and his new wife's family but we Fosters represented. There was his dad and step mother, sister, my dad and me! It was funny the last time I saw him was probably 13-15 years ago and he was in high school and he was this awkward, gangling all arms and legs and a ton of crazy curly hair. When he walked into the wedding location he had grown into a tall, strong, big man with a deep voice shook everyone's hand and slapped backs like he was campaigning  I think that is something our generation does that maybe our parent's generation didn't do. Any although I was out of my element and didn't really know anyone I felt very proud of who he had become based on what others said and how they respected him and his new bride. Which by the way I think he brought up the class in the family with her. She's so nice and will do him and all of us good.

 

So enough about the gushy stuff. We had an opportunity to congratulate the bride and groom and tell a story. I didn't have anything at the wedding and I was a little emotional but I thought of many stories on my 14 hour drive home.

Like when we were little and we would make taffy at Christmas. Each kid would get some to pull and we would wash our hands, butter them up and then start pulling the taffy so it would harden before putting it on the trays to cool before being cut up. Then we would divide up the taffy between all of us. But Ivan got all of his because he could never get his hands completely clean so his taffy always looked grey... but maybe that's just added protein and fiber!

Also he is very creative. Even as a kid, I still have the arrowhead me made out of obsidian glass. Every time I see that in my jewelry box I think of him. But he was also funny. I think I am one the funniest people I know but he's funnier. When he was a little kid he once crawled up on my dad's shoulder and sat there on the couch. When my dad asked him what he was doing, Ivan replied without missing a beat "I'm a frog sitting on a lily pad." Dad still laughs at that.

I also thought of when we were kids and his mom (who's really short) would borrow our truck to go to town (before seat belts were required) and load all the kids and sometimes my mom and I. She couldn't reach the pedals without scooting forward because the seat had been bolted down for my Dad's 6'2" frame so she would put a cinder block behind her and Ivan would ride on that sitting behind her. People that would meet the truck on the road saw a two headed person driving the truck!

But mostly I remembered how small Ivan was a kid and how he was the first baby I ever saw at the hospital. He had been born and so they took him and his mom around to a full length window so we could look in and see him for the first time. He was so small and as he grew up he was still small- all legs and no meat on his bones. He used to get sick every winter and when the power would go out his parents would bring him over in the early morning and stick him in my parents bed to keep him warm. Their house at the time was solely heated by power and we had wood heat so even if there wasn't power we would have a warm house.

But at the end of the wedding and as we neared home. I realized something that might sound egotistical or snobbish but I think the three of us cousins that grew up together- with knock-down fights and games and memories did pretty darn good for our lives. All three of us have become successful, productive members of society and have come along way from being the poor kids on the creek that sometimes received Christmas presents and food boxes from charity groups to people who have earned Airborne wings, Master degrees, own businesses, work in programs producing thousands of dollars, have married, had kids and still take care of our dads because we love them and except them for who they are and we are never too proud to tell people where we came from. But I think we could have never been as successful as we are if it wasn't for our parents and grandparents believing in us and letting us work hard for what we have and to know the difference in value between things and people.

Fear and Dependance

My small group is starting a new study this week- Max Lucado's Fearless. I read the first chapter at lunch and had a 45 minute drive home to contemplate what he said and the questions he asked. I think this study may kick my butt but it will also make me a better person when I am done. You may or may not agree with me on faith issues but for me I have seen His work in my life and I'll share an example or two that has to do with fear. I warn you this is a rather long post.

The first chapter is about when Jesus and the disciples were in the storm and the disciples were freaking out because the ship was rocking (the term used was what we use to describe earthquakes) and they thought they were going to die and the whole time Jesus is sleeping. It's cool- He had it under control and was with one word able to calm the seas.

Jesus totally knew there was going to be a crazy storm and he was going to calm the sea and he knew they would freak out and be afraid. But he let it happen anyway. Let that sink in... I had too- He let it happen anyway. There was a lesson to learn. And for me in my fearful times I had to depend on him to get me through and I had to focus on him. My fear was not rational and it took time away from being able to focus on the good. Now that I am past many of my fearful experiences or life lessons I can see clearly the lesson or the steps along the way.

I still have crazy fears- like heights and snakes and being in a body of water and not being able to touch bottom. They are the kind of fear that I become a totally insane and irrational person. If you have been with me when I've been in an elevator that goes higher than 5 floors you know what I mean.

But in life there are fears we all have- job loss, finances, friendships, love and health. We sometimes fear that someone isn't going to like us or if we contradict or disagree with our boss we will lose our job or that some health crisis is going to spin our lives out of control. Funny thing is both of the major health crisis's in my life that I completely panicked on was totally out of my control after I came through the crisis.

The first experience was when my dad had to have open heart surgery about 14 years ago. He was afraid we were going to lose the ranch because we didn't have health insurance and I had just graduated about 9 months earlier from college but hadn't found a job yet. ,I on the other hand, decided that losing the ranch wasn't an option and so began my next three months of just taking one step at a time and focusing on my next check box. It was a total God thing because I was so lost and so overwhelmed but also so calm (at least for my dad- I didn't want to him to see me cry because I needed to be the person to take care of him- the strong one.) So we found out he had to have all his teeth taken out for fear of heart issues later. So we began the process of each week driving the 100 miles round trip to the dentist to have him pull a few teeth then go back the next week to remove stitches and pull a few more.  The next step was to figure out how to have the operation with out insurance and still keep the ranch. It was going to be in the thousands to have this surgery. Thankfully my dad had just spent the last 20 years working for the neighbor's ranch in addition to having our own place. This neighbor was an open heart doctor who had traveled the world training and starting heart hospitals. He said  his team would operate for free (nice employee benefit!). We would still need to pay for the hospital and that would still be a lot of money. Then we had a phone call from a friend in town who asked if I had checked with the Veteran's Hospital because my dad had military service and they might be able to help. After a few phone calls we found out that they would allow the operation but they didn't have a heart team at their hospital in Portland but we had one so three months after we found out dad needed surgery he had it and it only cost us $700 for the use of the operating room.  So God was totally in control of the situation and there wasn't anything to be afraid of. But afterwards that was when I was afraid. My grandma had the same surgery and three months had a stroke and died. So for several months I became Nurse Crachet and was crazy about his nutrition an what he was allowed to eat going so far as to set his coffee pot on fire so he wouldn't drink coffee. And for four months after my dad had surgery I would lay awake at night listening to him breathe because I was so afraid he would have a stroke and die and I would be alone. It's totally crazy because I can't control a stroke or his breathing but I thought that as long as I could hear him breathe or he didn't drink coffee or soda everything would be OK.

The second and more quickly explained crazy fear was a few months ago when I had a health scare and there was a possibility of having the same open heart surgery. The thought of having surgery and the limitations of driving and lifting and exercise didn't scare me or make me nervous. What I was afraid of and freaked out about... the fact that I would have a scar on my chest and that a room full of doctors and nurses would see me naked.

All I am saying is sometimes fear has a funny way of showing up or we think we can control it when God is probably shaking his head saying don't worry- I got this.

Ranch Life Lessons

I think we all saw the Super Bowl commercial with Paul Harvey talking about how God made a farmer. I grew up on ranch in the central part of Oregon. I loved it and I miss it but when I share some of my childhood stories or lessons learned either people look at me funny or they gasp in horror or laugh uncontrollably  You may have already read my post about barbie dolls here.

First thing, we didn't have cable and it was long distance to call anyone. I grew up for a short time with party lines. If you don't know what that is google it or ask your grandparents. I grew up listening to an AM radio station that you listened to for Home Town News, the Tradin' Post and on Friday nights- the high school football game. I use to play outside a lot. I had play clothes and school clothes because when you live out in the country there isn't any concrete (except in the shop or in the neighbor's garage) so it's mostly dirt and you will get dirty. We climbed trees, played in old trucks that didn't run anymore and swung from ropes in the barn. You also learned to drive at an early age because on Saturdays if you helped your dad feed you usually ended up driving the truck because you were too slow feeding the bales of hay.

My dad and I on our tractor.

My dad tried to teach me to drive a tractor when I was in the 6th or 7th grade. It was a horrible experience that caused me to wait till I was a freshman in ag class and was required to drive a tractor to earn a grade. I got past the traumatic experience and went on to drive our small old tractor through out high school and in college I worked as a raker  for a custom haying company. For my non-ag friends I spent the summer going around and around in fields pulling the cut hay into rows that the kids driving the balers (the equipment that puts hay into square bales) could bale the hay. That was the first time I drove a brand new tractor. Our tractor was an old one- A 1958 65 Massey Ferguson to be exact. We still own it and I love it!

There's something to be said about a metal tractor seat and the old knob on the steering wheel.

And I know the photo is bad for farm safety (one of my many duties at Farm Bureau) because it doesn't have a roll over bar and I am a passenger on the tractor but it's still one of my favorite photos from when I was a kid.


As a kid, I loved it when it rained because you could make mud pies, when there wasn't rain you used the garden hose to make mud pies. We learned at an early age that you don't play with matches. That if you continue to irrigate the hill next to the house through the fall when it freezes you can sled down it and the more you sled the faster and farther you go. Then the fun begins because you then try and wait till the last second to bail off your sled before hitting the barbed wire fence.

I also learned to ice skate in the cow pasture with my friend Dawn. It wasn't anything like when you ice skate in town on a real rink because a real rink is smooth it doesn't have bumps from the frozen cow pies that are under the ice. I also learned that if you have a flat tire on your bike and you hit a rock (which is likely) you will fly over the front and possibly scar your leg. (And if you didn't learn that lesson the first time by the third you have evenly spaced scars on you leg that wouldn't go away till high school.)

When you live on a gravel road you learn at an early age that riding in a wagon is rough and that if you lose a shoe the older girls pulling you might not hear you wanting to stop and that your thumb does not make a great break for the wagon and that forevermore you will have an "L" shaped scar on your thumb that will blend in as you get older and your skin gets a little wrinkled.

You also learn that running across the icy playground in your cowboy boots may cause you to slip, fall and tear you knee up leaving a scar. (I promise there isn't a pattern here).

I also remember that when people were in need because they are new to the area, someone is sick, hurt or in the hospital that you jumped in and helped them. It could be feeding or checking on their animals, giving them a ride to town or home from town, or picking up parts from either the equipment dealer or the local motor supply store.

When you live out in the country some town people who don't want their dogs or cats anymore but want them to be free drop them off. Not at your house with your permission but in the vicinity of houses hoping someone will take them in. We had a few of them and one summer one of those stray dogs ended up earning us ice cream for the summer. We had a little poodle thing dropped off and a few weeks later the ice cream man came by to see if we wanted anything. He ran over and killed the dog and felt so bad we got ice cream for free from him.

As I got older there were chores. Those chores taught me responsibility and respect. I wish I would have done more chore type things growing up. (I promise I don't have a fever). But it would have given me more skills and experience now. I knew that the cows and horses always got fed before any other work was done and that they were fed before we went to town or relaxed. There wasn't really a vacation unless there were people willing to feed the animals, change the sprinkler pipe, or what ever may be happening during the season. But there's something to feeding the cows in the winter and you learn a little bit about society by watching the cattle. There's always a lead cow (the one all the older cattle will follow, usually an older cow) and if you put out range cubes or molasses tubs look out because it's like free samples at Costco during winter visitor season or black Friday shopping at Walmart- you want to drop it and get to high ground (or the pick up truck.

Feeding cattle in one of the meadows in December.

I loved it in college when I would come home and be able to take the really early (2-3 a.m.) slot for checking heifers. (This means we were like the maternity nurse and a heifer might have problems her having her first calf so we would check them about every 4-5 hours).It would suck when you worked in below freezing temps for hours to try and keep a calf (baby cow) alive that had gotten stuck in the birth canal and you massage it's tongue with ice water hoping the swelling would go down just to have it die in the morning. But the upside of calving is when you get to see a cow or horse birth it's baby and watch it take stand up and take its first steps along with its first breathe. There's nothing better! I miss it and would love to freeze my butt of again checking them or spending a warm summer day in a tractor haying or even better riding all day on the mountain gather cattle. I've always said the smell of a hot saddle and a sweaty horse is one of the best smells in the world.


There's a lot of lessons you learn about life growing up on a ranch that sometimes I think our city counterparts don't learn at an early age or at least don't have the funny stories to share later in life.

Helpful Driving Tips

I spend a lot of time on the road... A LOT OF TIME. I figured it out one day and covering three-fourths of the state on a monthly basis takes about 40 hours not counting the actual meeting or event time. So I think I have a few experienced to lend to giving tips for better driving.

This really pertains to those lovely visitors who drive in from the many northern states during those colder months and also our friends to the west (CA).

I am totally not judging you, your friends, or you/their driving habits. I usually have someplace I really need to get to and people waiting for me and my opinions.

So here's some tips or hints for traveling our roadways in Arizona.

1. If you are in the fast lane and a car comes up from behind, move over to the other lane. If that lane is full, speed up and get over.

2. If you are talking on the phone and it causes you to drive slower, get over.

3. If you have an out-of-state plate on your car and are over 70, get over.

4. If you are applying make up, doing your hair, or searching for something either pull over, get out of bed earlier or wear a hat.

5. If you can't go at least 5 over the posted speed limit you should stay in the far right lane.

6. Also, in addition to #5, if you can't go the speed limit and you can use surface streets- please do. You jam up the roadway and can cause accidents. This also goes for those who are driving with their flashers.

7. If you are moving, don't pile everything you own up in a box trailer and attach it to a VW Bug. You won't go very far and you may get a few laughs.

8. If you are being passed in the right lane because you refuse to follow suggestion #1, don't freak out if I pass you. There will be a truck with crops coming up along side you. If you freak out and jerk the wheel you will need to over correct which intern will cause me to speed up or slam on my breaks so you don't side swipe me when you come back over.

9. The lines on the roadway are for you to pick which part of the road you are going to be driving on, don't use both lanes. We all pay our taxes for the roads but you need to share.

10. If you must drive a semi truck (Pappa John's on the way to Yuma), RV pulling a car and boat, or pretty much anything, make sure you actually see me in my truck coming up along side you and try not to get distracted reaching for something or talking to someone because I really don't want to have to hear you try and explain to the police officer why you didn't see me because you may be then asked to take the field sobriety test.

I give you all of these helpful suggestions because it's a fast and crazy world out there and we all have places we want to be. By the way, if you haven't ever seen a picture of the truck I drive here are a few pictures.

 

Labels

I have a love-hate relationship with name tags  I hate wearing them- the magnetic kind that pulls on your clothing or the sticky kind that leaves a film on your clothing; but I love when other people wear them because I am horrible with names (unless you are one of my board members, a favorite person, or someone I have known for at least 10 years). I try and get out of wearing name tags every chance I get.

This last week was our annual meeting and it is overflowing with name tags  people, food and speakers. It was a standard Farm Bureau meeting- farmers and ranchers and food! For the first time in about five years I was able to sit in on the keynote speaker. It was a great talk and I've been thinking about it how one small comment or point made by a speaker is reinforced through other conversations, observations or things you read in your Bible. Our speaker planned to make an impact in the members and agents or at least make them think but I don’t think he ever imagined that God would use a story and point he gave to make a point or to reiterate what God had been trying to tell me.

The point was don’t judge others. It’s not my job- it’s His. We are so busy as a society that we label everyone. I do it on a daily basis- sometimes not in a judgmental way but I am always labeling or categorizing people. For example- my friend Christi  she has been an inspiration to me through the way she is raising her family and all that she has accomplished in her life. She’s tall, like 6 ft but I don’t call her my tall friend Christi- she’s my vegetarian-friend- Christi  I have my Cochise people, my Yuma people, my Church friends, my book club ladies, Bible Study ladies, youth group kids, and the groups go on. It’s not bad to group or label people sometimes- it helps keep them straight in my head.

It’s wrong to label or group people when you are being dismissive of them or think they won’t understand or that they are too far to the left, right, or just not like you. In his talk, Matt told the story of meeting a lady on a plane that definitely wasn't like him and was hoping that he wouldn't have to talk to her. Fortunately they ended up talking and he made a friend for agriculture. He encouraged us to reach out and talk to the people that don’t look, act, or (eat) like us. We might make a friend or supporter of agriculture. That’s my passion- helping promote and protect agriculture. I love the life and people. I miss getting up at 2 am and checking heifers during calving season, I miss riding and gathering cattle off the mountain, I miss feeding cattle when it’s 5 below and your nose hairs are frozen and you can’t really feel your fingers, I miss working cattle in mud in the corral because that’s what you do. I would trade my life now for that in a heartbeat but we need the city people (my neighbors) to help us. We are a small population of people and we need our city friends and family to understand why we do what we do.

But here’s the lesson I've been thinking about. Yes, in agriculture we need to reach out and talk to those that aren't like us- we need them and I am willing to do that because I love agriculture and they need agriculture to survive. But from my faith standpoint- why am I not willing to talk to people who aren't like me. I spent the week of youth camp this summer working in the inner city of Santa Fe, in a community that for the large part doesn't believe in God and doesn't have a relationship with Jesus. It scared me. I was not comfortable with it. But why don’t I have the same attitude and passion to talk about my faith that I do when I talk about agriculture? You spend five minutes with me (30 seconds if you see me drive up) and you know I am passionate about ag but it takes 30 minutes or more for you to know I love Jesus. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Instead of thinking of new leadership training for my members or a easier way to train them in a skill or give them information when I go to sleep, I should be thinking of ways to reach out to others.All of these thoughts culminated when Matt was telling his story. We need to be outside of our comfort zone to make a difference. We may get rejected and we may lose people along the way but we need to keep moving forward and keep sharing our story- weather that is agriculture, faith or our passion but eventually someone will say the right words to reach the right person who will then become sold out to the cause.  We may just be the person who plants the seed not the person who reaps the harvest.

Life Changes

The last couple of months my life has had a few changes...nothing big or grand, just changes that may become big or grand eventually.

I moved and this week will finally sign the papers to sell my house. I'm ok with selling my house but I feel a little like I failed at home ownership. The fact is I couldn't afford to live there anymore and I have a life right now that isn't conducive to owning a home.

We are changing the way we do things with our youth group on Sunday mornings and so there are definitely growing pains as we are encouraging our youth to be more open and real with us.

I am working four ten hour shifts now so I have Fridays off to get things done like laundry, clean house, go to the doctor, grocery shop or work out. It's funny how many doctors do not work on Fridays and how that messes up my schedule. It also makes it hard to work out those 4 days because unlike other places in the country it is still in the 90s at 5 pm when I am getting off work. So my only other option for running without the possibility of a heat stroke is to get up at 4 am and run before work, with a headlamp so I don't trip on the sidewalk (which might be OK in the dark because no one can see you and if no one sees you trip, did you really trip?)

I started Weight Watchers again for the third or maybe fourth time but this time I am working hard to make it  a real commitment  I need to because one of the changes is that I had a health incident. I call it an incident because it really didn't freak me out the way it probably should have. I have a history of heart disease in my family- my grandmother, one of her sisters and brothers had the exact same surgery as my dad. My dad ended up having the same surgery twice. So when I mentioned to my doctor in passing at a follow up blood test that I needed to renew my thyroid medicine that it seemed like half my dad's family was on this medicine and further conversation about heart disease in the family. He said I was ok because I had been running for a year and that would be fine because I am up to a mile or two at least. Well I guess I shocked him when I said I could still only run about a tenth of a mile before I couldn't breath and then I would walk till I could breath and repeat the patter to whatever mileage I was "running."  This revelation lead to me seeing a cardiologist and now an appointment for a pulmonary specialist.

I realized a couple things with these tests... 1. I don't like the goo they use for ultrasound machines used for echo cardiograms. It's slimmy and gets all over everything. 2. I have to give up fries and a lot of my fast food because it is not that healthy 3. As long as I run and lose at least 60 pounds I should be fine for now with my heart issues but the breathing thing is still up in the air. 3. I am going to do a half marathon in just under two weeks and I didn't tell my pulmonary specialist and scheduled that appointment for the day after so she can't tell me no. 4. Big shock to me, I missed running until the cardiologist told me could. 5. The thought of major surgery didn't scare me but being in an operating room naked with a room full of strange doctors did (just being honest).

And it's fall and with fall (every place but in Phoenix) happening I am homesick. I miss the trees turning and the cold nights at the football games where sometimes it's so cold your nose hairs freeze (you know what I mean if you are from a colder climate) and I miss wearing flannel.


So with all these changes here is what I learned... God is bigger than I am and He is in control and I am learning to give him the control and not try and take it back. I am also learning that I need to focus on each day or week and not on the big picture. The big picture will overwhelm me but the day to day journey I can work through and focus on.

National Lampoon's County Annual Meeting Season

Every month I visit 6-8 county boards depending on what is going on in Farm Bureau and what activities they are planning. So I see actual farmers and ranchers at every county meeting. It's the best part of my job. I love hanging out with them. You know the old saying "If you can't beat be them, join them?" well I do. If you have ever heard me talking about my eight counties you will always hear me say that they are like people, they have their own interests, like, dislikes and even though there are a few things- policy development, commodity committees, membership and county and state annual meeting that they all accomplish throughout the year, none of them do it exactly the same. They are all different- like working with eight different people. What works in one, doesn't work in another... the way to encourage one county may not work in another and just because a person is the president doesn't mean they are the person of influence on the board (sometimes they are and sometimes they aren't).

My favorite time of year is county annual meeting time. I love it!!! It's the best activity or program we do all year. I could give you the FB line that that is where we see FB in action- passing policy resolutions, electing officers, giving awards and updating the members on what we have been up to all year. I could tell you that and it's true we do all of that at the meetings but that really isn't why I like those meetings. There are three big reasons I love county annual meetings. 1. I get so see members besides those who sit on the board, or at least the board member spouses who do at least half the work of the board member in making the county a success  2. Good food and amazing desserts. It's usually steak(Cochise, Pima, Graham), or pot roast (Greenlee), Mexican (Yuma, Navajo, Apache) and desserts (Pinal and Pima).

This year was no exception. I was gearing up for the annual meeting run and do to some scheduling changes it ended up that my first week of meetings I had FOUR county annual meetings in one week. The other four were scheduled out so that I had two each week.

Before I begin why that week and the following two meetings should be highlighted in a National Lampoons story, let me give you some background information. I moved the Sunday (the week before) the first meeting. I started Weight Watchers the saturday before was was freaking out as to what I was going to be able to eat that week.

So the first night I headed off to Willcox, AZ for the Cochise meeting. I moved in with my aunt and uncle and  my aunt had been visiting out of state the first week I was there but she came home while I was in Willcox. Not a big deal. Because of schedules, a co-worker and I had to come back that night so I very politely sent my aunt a text letting her know we were leaving Willcox at 9ish pm and that it would take about 3 hours to get home but I had to drop my coworker off and would be home around 12:30 Tuesday morning. She sent a message back to come through the front door, she left the light on. That wouldn't really be a problem except my keys were laying on my dresser in my bedroom. But I had the garage opener. I pulled in the drive at 12:30 am and grabbed my stuff, opened the garage door and came upon a locked door leading into the house. I'll pause so you can stop laughing. I searched both their cars looking for a house key and petted the dog who came out to meet me. I went back to the truck and sent them a text telling them I was home and waiting outside. No response....... it's now almost 1:30 and I am tired so I send them another text letting them know that I am sleeping in the truck and when they get up (used to be around 4-4:30) to come and get me. But it was hot and muggy and so I didn't fall asleep till 4:30 then at 5:50 I woke up because I had a thought that with the windows down a person could see me sleeping in the drivers seat (the back seat was full of meeting stuff for two meetings and the way back was full of sound equipment.) someone walking by (retired people who get up early in the gated community) might call the cops. Thankfully my aunt came out at 6 and asked why I didn't use one of the two keys hidden in the garage? So moral is I know know where the hide-a-keys are and I always take my house keys with me.

The ribbon cutting on the new Yuma County Farm Bureau building.  

I slept about 3 hours on my bed Tuesday morning before I had to get up to head out to pick up my co-worker to go to Yuma. It was a special meeting this year for two reasons- they opened their new office building and Senator McCain came and spoke for a few minutes. They do there meeting a little different in that they do all their business stuff first and then break and do their banquet with awards and dinner so special guests don't have to sit through all of it. It's handy and doesn't make the night really long. McCain ended up coming because his staff was planning on attending and mentioned it to his people and they decided the morning of the event that the Senator would come too. So it was really special.

Senator McCain and Me!

So the meeting went off without a hitch and we headed home, I again sent a text but I didn't have my keys!!! We could see a storm east of us as we drove back to Phoenix and when we were about 8 miles from Dateland, we had to pull off the road and sit in the dark, no lights, no brakes, nothing because we were in a dust storm. We sat there about 25 minutes before going on to Dateland were we had to stop and get gas because the normal half a tank to get home was used to go that far.  We made it to Gila Bend and that is where I had to turn it over to my co-worker because I could barely stay awake a DPS officer stopped us and told us the road was flooded and we would have to go around... so we did  and instead of getting home at 12:30 Wednesday morning I pulled in the drive at 2 am. Man was I tired and a little cranky because I am not a fajita person and that was what the dinner was so I skipped it and then was going to have some cheetos at Dateland but my co-worker brought me fritos instead. I still ate about 10 fritos.

By the time Thursday and Friday rolled around I didn't care what happened at a meeting I just wanted them to elect officers, delegates and pass policy but the awards at Pima's meeting on Friday were so good to see and hear how the recipients were so humble and thankful for their award. A few didn't even know they were getting anything. Pina'ls was inspiring and almost made me cry. Pinal had people actually speak very passionately about an issue that is affecting them and they weren't a board member but they got involved with the process and it made me have a renewed faith in the Farm Bureau system. And they gave me flowers. I didn't know they were going to do that and it had a butterfly in the flowers and that reminded me of my grandma which I miss terribly.

So it was a crazy, unexpected week of county annual meetings but I saw a new president getting elected, new board members joining and people being recognized for their work.

The following week was just as crazy but I din't have any county annual meetings, just a two day state board meeting, a policy development meeting (with yummy pie) and a picnic (yummy home made icecream and pit BBQ beef).

This last week, I had two county annuals- one in Navajo and the next night in Greenlee. I love Greenlee's meetings because they are in the front lawn of a farmer's house next to his corn field, they serve the best roast beef (melts in your mouth) and this year I was bringing pies from Trappers in Taylor for dessert. Monday was a holiday and so Graham's board meeting was moved to Tuesday then Wednesday was Navajo and Thursday was Greenlee. That is what was suppose to happen but the reality is that Monday night I started no feeling well and by Tuesday night after getting home from Safford, I was sick. I missed the two county annual meetings because of the flu. It was the first time and I didn't like missing them.

I still have two more to go- Apache is tomorrow night and Graham is next Thursday. I think that after six years of them running fairly smooth, I must have hit the seven year itch for all this craziness to happen in one year.

I am good enough!

I have been really busy since I got back from youth camp, to the point that I chose not to go to my 20 year class reunion. I wanted to go but then when I decided not to go, part of me was sad and part of me was relieved. I've been contemplating those two thoughts for a few weeks.

I was a wallflower, book worm, quiet (I know shocking!) person in high school. I was very insecure with who I was and part of me wanted to go to let them see that I am not completely that person. But part of me was nervous because in my eyes/mind I hadn't really "made it" or accomplished anything important in the last 20 years. Before you yell "liar, liar, pants on fire!," I know that I have accomplished things- I went to college, I have three degrees, I traveled to Europe, I have a job, I walked 60 miles for breast cancer, I completed a half marathon,... I've done stuff. I am proud of the stuff I have done.

After the reunion was over I looked through the pictures on Facebook and I realized that by 20 years, there really isn't cliques anymore and that everyone is happy to see everyone. By 20 years it doesn't matter if you are a farmer, rancher, teacher or what ever. What matters is that you are happy with your life. You may fear that people may judge you and not think your good enough but does that really matter what they think? When we are in school, it matters, its our life and our community; when you grow up your life and community (the people you surround yourself with) changes and so do your priorities or what you want to do in life.

So while I feel that I haven't accomplished in my life by being a mother or wife, I am proud of what I have done and I am respected (I hope) in my community. I think I am wiser than I was 20 years ago because (no offense intended) I wanted my classmates approval that I was worthy to be part of the group. Now I just want to visit and some may inspire me to run races like Anne, Valorie or even try a triatholan like Elena. It's about talking with people who share a common experience and sometimes as you grow older you have life experiences that create friendships that weren't really there 20 years ago.

So as I finish rambling. I am looking forward to seeing classmates in 5 years because I don't think I am intimidated of them and what they have accomplished. We all have our lives and the paths that we have chosen and class reunions are like intersections with our paths that we all meet for a moment to reconnect and catch up then continue on our journey.

Uncomfortable

This will be one of many posts over the next couple of weeks as I contemplate my experiences from youth camp.

Pursuit was the theme at youth camp this year… for me it could have been “uncomfortable.” I went to camp last year and it was easy. I drove one of the vans to camp, hung out during the day after Bible study and then had lunch, a nap and dinner then evening worship and church youth group time and bed. Pretty easy week, I didn’t have to worry about the kids or make sure they were safe. I just had to make sure the one or two kids that I hung around made it to meals and services. It was a piece of cake. The hardest part was sharing a room with one of our students.

This year was a whole different story. I agreed to go and be a driver then we signed up for MFUGE instead of Centrifuge which we had done the year before. MFUGE was everything like before but instead of hanging out and napping I took kids from a bunch of different churches to go and do missions in Santa Fe. Our group had our leader (staff) then five or six adults and about 25 students. We were one of the PCY (painting, construction and yard work) groups. We spent our day at Youth Works and the whole week I was completely out of my comfort zone. I was hungry, tired, hot, cold, cranky and just wanted to have five minutes to myself. Going into the week it was totally about me and no one else. I didn’t know if I wanted to give up five days of vacation to go to a camp that, although each room had its own bathroom and you used a key card to get in your room, I knew I would have to share a room with someone, not have a nap and fight my asthma all week (the camp is at 7500 ft in elevation). But the biggest reason not to go was I didn’t want to do missions. It’s scary and people reject you and you have to recite all these verses about how you are going to go to hell if you don’t believe. That is true but it’s scary to tell a total stranger that and they reject or accept you. I just imagined spending my day knocking on doors and doing visitations. That is not my cup of diet coke tea.

So I went out of obligation. I couldn’t leave Josh hanging and some of the kids I had talked to over this past year but I really only knew two or three really well and the rest were just kids that came. I knew their parents much better than them. Boy was I in for a shock!!!!

First uncomfortable moment is when I am paired with three girls. I knew all of them but one I was the most comfortable with and the others I figured I would get use to it. To be honest there were days that I wanted to come back from our track and have a shower to get the grime off and take a nap but that wasn’t the plan because in our room would be the “little girls”- the new girls (7-8 grade) hanging out with E and playing Catch Phrase. Catch Phrase is my favorite game and I am a little competitive but I really just wanted a shower and nap but instead I showered and played the game with them. We all had fun and I got to know the younger girls better. I would have missed out if I had gotten my way. We ended up playing that game for a couple of days. The three girls worked out well too. I got to know A and J much better and we have some great stories and good laughs over the course of the week. Time that now makes me miss them when they go off to college next year.

My second uncomfortable moment was when they (the Bible Study leaders) talked about what we were going to be doing- connecting with people. As I said before, I am not a good door knocker and I really didn’t want to hand out tracks. Thankfully they said we could do what we knew- Romans’ road, other bible verses or just talk to them about family, interests, their religion and then talk to them about what God has done in our lives. How we see and experienced Him. I starting thinking that I could do that and not freak out. I have lots of stories I could share from my life. I just had to get over my fear of strangers. If you know me, you know that I can talk to anyone but by anyone I mean, they have to be attending a Farm Bureau event, book club, walking group or a friend of a friend. Otherwise I have stranger danger and want to run the other way. So having 25 kids that I don’t really know and 23 of them I have no idea of their names and where they were from; add in the other five adults and then the adults we were working with at Youth Works and I was in stranger overload. So I put on my big girl pants and sucked it up. It was just four days and I could do anything for four days.

But God used those four days, the three girls from my room, the little girls and the worship and Bible Study time to teach me something. That it really isn’t about me and my comfort zone. It’s about reaching out to others and helping them and showing them love.

My next couple of blogs will be the lessons I learned at youth camp.

Liar Liar Pants on Fire

We had a discussion at my Bible study/accountability group about lying. We all do it but has it gotten easier because we do little lies instead of big lies?

A big lie is cheating on your taxes or forgetting to mention to your spouse that you have a girlfriend/boyfriend (unless your into the whole sister wives thing) or borrowing the money from the wallet you happened to find in a persons purse or jacket.  The little lie is the ones we say when we don't want to hurt people's feelings. Men do it all the time when we set them up by asking if we look fat in something. I've done it when I don't want to go someplace or eat at a restaurant or go to the gym. It's an excuse rather than saying I don't want to do it we say "I would love to but....."

We use our schedules, kids and family to lie- they are our excuse rather than saying I just don't feel like it or I am not able to we feel like we need to explain and sometimes we use others to justify our lie.

But it doesn't matter if its a big lie or a little lie, it's still a lie. As the old guy says in the movie Pure Country (love my George Strait),  "Funny little thing about that white speck on top of chicken shit. It's still chicken shit"

Little lies will eventually lead to a big lie just like a little of something leads to a big something. I see it in my life when I listen to certain music or watch certain shows or movies. My language changes. A little influence makes a big difference in how I act.

There are lots of things I struggle with but this past week it has been to focus on that small aspect of my life. I failed several times but I will keep going. 

A Life of Contradictions

I was talking with my new friend Norma about just weird things new friends talk about when they meet the first few times and the topic of germs and stuff came up.

I think I am a walking contradiction when it comes to life.  I am a ranch kid who grew up in the middle of Oregon (literary one mile from the center) in a one building town that housed a bar, store, gas station, post office and house and our nearest neighbors were not next door. I now live in Mesa and am surrounded by people- some nice some not so much.

I now live in Mesa and am surrounded by so many people. I don't know my neighbors other than the kid downstairs name is Frank. Back home in Oregon I could tell you all the people who lived in the area for a good 50 miles. I may not know the ranch hands but I could tell you who was driving down the road (person or the ranch they were from) based on the truck that drove by. 

I miss being home where the doors are unlocked and keys are left in the trucks but love the fact that Target is just a half mile up the road and that I don't have to plan for a month of meals I can just stop by the store on my way home. 

I grew up on  a ranch and I love beef but I hate going to a steakhouse. I like to fix my steak my way with my marinade and the steakhouse just doesn't do it good enough. I love my cows- riding for them, branding, calving- everything that goes into running a cow-calf operation but I fell in love with the beauty of veggies and cotton.

But here's the biggest contradiction in my life that my friend Norma said I should blog about because it's so weird that it's funny. I grew up on a ranch where animal body parts and fluids don't gross my out but other people's germs do. I have no problem being covered in cow manure or blood but the thought of sharing a bottle of water with someone or a utensil just sends me over the edge. 

If we ever go to dinner there is no sharing. Call it an only child thing but if you want to try what I have ordered you need to order it yourself. If you take a taste off my plate I will leave a couple centimeter buffer around the area your utensil touched and only eat to that part of my plate.

If I go to the Circle K to get a drink I have to take the cup that is under or behind the top one and the lid has to come from the middle of the pile so less people have touched it. Also, straws have to be covered in paper. I won't use a straw if its in a dispenser with no wrapper because someone had to touch the bare straw to put it in the dispenser.

I love the taste of watermelon flavored things but actually eating watermelon grosses me out- it's a texture thing.

Another thing that kind of doesn't fit in my world is soft hands on a man.